Monday, October 10, 2011

Motherhood after four months


Today, Ella turned four months old. (Side note: she had a well child checkup, and was 26.25" and 17 lbs. 6 oz, 97th percentile for both categories.) I tried to remember what life was like four months ago, and compared it to life today.

Four months ago: my schedule was my own. When I had a day off, I could do what I wanted/needed to do, and there was very little concern about unexpected interruptions. I was massively pregnant, yes, but that was okay.

Today: I had big plans for my day off - Ella's doctor appointment, appointment with State Farm, errands out at the mall, getting the rest of the outfits ready for the Christmas pictures, cleaning the dining and living rooms, getting the laundry caught up. What did I get done: the doctor's appointment, State Farm and half of my errands. Ella had a bad reaction to her shots and she needed to come home. The rest of the day was a wash.

So I got to thinking how much easier it was to get things done. But I also got to thinking that I wouldn't trade that ease of finishing my errands with the happiness that I have now.

This morning, I got to go in a wake up my baby girl. Her eyelids fluttered open and the first thing she did in the morning was squeal with delight and smile at me. She was happy to see me when she first woke up. What could be a better start to the day?

Four months ago, my day was made if I got a new pair of shoes or a fantastic deal at TJ Maxx. Today, my day is made when I get a little smirk and a giggle when a tickle Ella's tiny toes, or a smile first thing in the morning when I wake her up, or when she snuggles into my shoulder when I'm holding her, or when sometimes I'm just the only person who will do and make things better for her. Four months ago, my life was just so empty. I don't know what made me happy.

My daughter has shown me what my life was missing, she's made it so full when I didn't even know it was empty. She has shown me love that I didn't know existed. The last four months have been the best of my life.