As everyone knows, I am pregnant. Today, I'm at 38 weeks and I'm preparing to serve my precious daughter an eviction notice. (Yes, I've read through the state and federal rules of civil procedure, and I have come up with an effective and legal means to deliver proper notice without fear of later having said notice found insufficient. Pitocin, anyone?) Here's why: I'm 40 pounds heavier, it's the start of summer, it's been in the 90s every day this week, and I only have window units to park myself in front of. I'm exhausted and bored and being outside too long (i.e., walking to and from my car to go into a restaurant or store) dehydrates me enough that I get dizzy and have a headache. I'm waddling and have a baby head bumping around in my pelvis, hitting pelvic nerves and making me randomly kick things. I am routinely head butted in the bladder and made to pee my pants. Contractions come and go, and my abdomen regularly feels like it has a massive charlie horse. I won't even get into the phone calls to the Women's Evaluation Unit and trips there to find out what the heck is going on with my baby.
Now, that being said, this is all worth it, and I wouldn't trade a minute of it for anything in the world. To say that Ella is my world would be an understatement - I literally live for her, every second of my life is dedicated to her, making sure she is healthy and growing and getting ready for the best possible entry into this world that she can make. What pisses me off: anyone that would say otherwise.
Being pregnant, you make personal sacrifices, and I'll tell you that they don't even feel like sacrifices, they feel like necessary courses of action. My child is more important than a few cold beers after a hard day or an amusement park ride or blue cheese on my salad. I am not in the least bit bitter or annoyed about the changes I had to make when we decided to have her.
In the beginning, pregnancy is joyful - you have just found out you're having this precious bundle of joy. Maybe you feel sick, but it's exciting and happy and what you wanted. In the middle, it's exciting because you start to see your body changing, you can feel your baby moving, and the sonograms start to look like a little person. Near the end, you start preparing knowing that the baby will here soon, and you want to make sure that your home is ready for her. But at the very end, you're playing a waiting game, and you feel like a ticking time bomb. At any moment, you think you could explode. Your energy is sapped, your concentration is waning, and all you can think about is, "When is this going to happen?"
But back to me (naturally). I'm at the stage now where it's the very end, and the doctor has assured me more than once that my baby is probably coming early (unusual for a first baby), and yesterday she told me that she would be surprised if I made it to next week. Exciting news, right? Well it should be. Unfortunately, there are those that squash my excitement, and for no apparent reason. Further, these people tend to be totally uninformed about anything related to pregnancy or childbirth.
Now, if you don't have a clue what you are talking about, whether because you've never had a child before OR because you physically cannot have a child, can someone please explain why you feel you need to add your two cents in? To take that a step further, why do you feel the need to make comments alleging that my interests at this point relate more to my own comfort rather than the health and wellbeing of my child?
I have done everything I should have done, I have prepared my home the way I should have, never missed a doctor's appointment, took my vitamins even when they made me so nauseous that I threw up, rested when the doctor said, got active when the doctor said, and refrained from any activities potentially dangerous or hazardous to Ella's health. I started this before we decided to try and get pregnant. I have been a good mother to my child so far.
I may be uncomfortable physically and I may be bored out of my mind, but I want her to come when she's ready. I'm ready to be a mother, but not at the expense of the health of my child. And any suggestion to the contrary disgusts me, and people who say those kinds of things to expectant mothers should be ashamed of themselves. Her birth isn't about my convenience, it's about when the time is right for her.
More than anything, those comments hurt. Maybe these people don't think before they say it, but they should. Not only is it hurtful because it suggests that I don't care about my daughter the way I should, the hurtfulness is escalated by the sheer magnitude of what I'm feeling and experiencing right now. I'm a bundle of emotions and feelings: a little nervous, a little scared, really excited, and unabashedly in love with my little girl. Most expectant mothers probably feel this way. And the last thing we need is someone saying otherwise.
So, to those who are totally uninformed and clueless about what it's like to be 38 weeks pregnant and anxious to meet your baby, I say this: your ramblings and commentary are pointless because you don't have any kind of reality to base it in. Shut up, and keep it to yourself.
As for me? Well, I'll do exactly what my favorite coffee mug says: Keep calm and carry on.
